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I Read Romance Novels… What's It to You? (Part 1)

  • Writer: M
    M
  • Jul 6
  • 9 min read

Dearest gentle reader,


I've gotten to the point in my life where my major reply to certain questions and this is just in my head, I don't actually say this to people's faces is "What's it to you?" When people ask me certain things or look at me a certain way or question why I do things a certain way, I'm just like, um, what's it to you?... How does this affect you?


So that's what we're going to be talking about today, but in terms of romance novels.

The Awkward "What Do You Read?" Conversation

Have you ever been in a situation where you say you're a reader and people ask what you like to read, what's your favorite book, or what are you reading right now? And you go, "I read romance novels."


Cue the reactions. You get the slight smirk, the "Oh, you're one of those people" look. Or they'll say something along the lines of "Oh, so not real books then," or they try to recommend some self-help book or non-fiction book, "something more... substantial." The judgment is immediate and palpable. It's like admitting you read romance novels automatically disqualifies you from being a "serious" reader.

Why Romance?

There's something comforting about reading a book and knowing that no matter what bad things happen to the heroine or hero, no matter what hardships they go through, at the end everything's going to be okay. Like in a world that's so messed up and everything's going wrong and everything sucks, there's something nice about knowing that at the end of my book and their story, everything's going to be okay. I like not having to stress about something bad happening in my book world, knowing everything is going to be okay, and that they're always going to work it all out and get their happily ever after. I don't want reality, I want the rainbows and roses.


Before romance novels, it was the fairytales we read as kids, that's where this all started. I remember when we were kids, at the end of Disney princess books or storybooks, it was always "and they lived happily ever after" (HEA). As kids, you think that's the end of the story, but when you grow up, you know that's not always true; life continues, and stuff may happen down the line many years later to end the happily ever after. But I think there's more to it than that. It means having hope and faith that things can work out, that even as life continues and the story ends, they will still keep working towards their HEA.


Even when we were younger, our initial enemies-to-lovers and dark romance Stockholm syndrome vibes were in Beauty and the Beast and all the other classic stories. People now say they are bad princess stories with outdated ideals and teach kids bad standards. Like obviously, yes, some things are outdated, and it's not always about the prince coming to save you and stuff, but I think we miss out on the other themes and lessons from the books/movies when we're so focused on what's wrong with them.


Like, Belle literally rejected the hot, popular guy who everyone wanted her to be with because she saw through his BS and chose the guy who actually respected her intelligence and loved books like she did. She didn't wait around to be rescued, she made her own choices and went after what she wanted. These stories taught us that people can change and grow, that you should look beyond appearances, and that kindness and intelligence matter more than conformity. But here's what critics miss when they focus only on the outdated parts: these stories were always about more than just finding a prince, if you look closely enough.


What those stories actually do is give us hope and teach us that anything can happen. If you remain hopeful and do your part, things work out, and even if they don't, life goes on, and things can change in the future. They teach us to have faith, be kind, and to always look deeply into the story because it's not always clear who the bad guy is. Instead of throwing them out completely, why can't they coexist with the new stories and movies that reflect modern values? We can appreciate what they taught us while also embracing better representation and updated ideals.

Romance Novels Have Been Around Forever...

Romance novels have been around and captivating readers for centuries, and people still love to trivialize them as something women read to waste their time. The genre has deep roots, from romantic storylines that can be traced back to Ancient Greece to Madame de La Fayette's "The Princess of Cleves" in 1678, considered the first historical romance novel,⁴ to Samuel Richardson's "Pamela, or Virtue Rewarded" in 1740,⁵ to the works of Jane Austen and the Brontë sisters in the 18th and 19th centuries.⁶ The genre grew with Margaret Mitchell's "Gone with the Wind" in 1936 and Daphne du Maurier's "Rebecca" in 1938.⁶ Then came Harlequin Romance, launched in 1949, changing the game and making romance accessible to a broader audience with standardized formats and pricing.⁷


The genre has constantly evolved from the 1950s-60s shift towards heroines with careers outside traditional roles,⁶ to the 1970s-80s when stories began to include more suspense and mystery, and women began to embrace their sexuality and take active roles instead of being passively ravaged by rugged heroes.⁸ Today's romance includes diverse voices, multiple subgenres from fantasy to historical, and has become the top-selling fiction genre worldwide, outselling thrillers and mysteries combined.⁷ The genre accounts for almost 23% of all books sold worldwide, making it one of the biggest and oldest genres.³


Yet people still love to say, "Oh, why don't you read something better for your mind, or read this biography or self-help book," and so on. It's like they don't see romance books as actual reading, like it doesn't count for anything. You can gain so much from other books, but you can't learn anything from romance books other than unrealistic expectations about love.


I have found I learn so much from my books: empathy, how to navigate difficult conversations, what healthy communication looks like in relationships, how to set boundaries, and how to recognize red flags. I've learned about different cultures, historical periods, various careers and lifestyles, and places I've never been. Romance novels have taught me about consent, self-worth, and that it's okay to expect more from people in your life. They've shown me different ways to handle conflict, how to compromise without losing yourself, and that love should make you feel good about who you are, not change who you are. And yes, I've learned about different perspectives on life, different struggles people face, and how to be more understanding of experiences that aren't my own.


But the thing is, regardless of whether I even learn anything from it, when I read, I don't read to learn. I read to turn my brain off and not think, to take a break from my life and step into another world to just relax, knowing that in this world nothing is going to go wrong, and I get to watch two people fall in love and get their HEA. Why would I want something else? In the words of Kajol, "I read for fun. I don't read to improve my mind. My mind is fine the way it is. I don't read for advice!".

Is the Love in Romance Novels Truly "Unrealistic"?

Who decided that love in romance novels or certain things are unrealistic? Do you even have high expectations, or is everyone else just used to settling and having bare minimum expectations? Maybe we've decided these "unrealistic expectations" or "high standards" are the anomaly because people have gotten used to accepting the bare minimum or even less from others, and then they complain that you have high standards because if they don't have it, it must be unattainable. Or maybe it's easier to call them unrealistic than to be vulnerable enough to ask for it and not get it. Maybe they've been told so many times to be "realistic" and "practical" about love that they've convinced themselves that wanting genuine care and effort is asking too much. And let's be honest, when you're surrounded by people accepting mediocre treatment, suddenly expecting decent communication and thoughtfulness makes you look like the problem.


Someone once said, "Women in particular read romance because they are almost always romance-starved." or "Women read romance fiction in hopes that one day, their very own dashing prince/rogue pirate/multi-billionaire/alpha male extraordinaire will come running in to sweep them off their feet, declare their eternal love, and ravish them like they have always fantasized about."² Yes, everyone wants to find their person, to find someone who will want them, the good, the bad, and the ugly, like the hero in the books always wants the heroine.


But reading romance novels is about more than that. The concept of romantic love is just so beautiful. For me, it's interesting to see two people find each other, fall in love, and now have a partner to walk through life with. Think about it, even in real life, everyone wants to hear love stories. When you meet a new couple, one of the first questions is always "How did you meet?" We love hearing about other people's love stories, how they got together, what made them click. Romance books give you that same satisfaction without any of the stress, drama, or complications that come with real relationships. You get to experience the pure joy of the love story without having to worry about anyone's actual relationship problems, family drama, or life stress. Being able to read a story and know that somehow they're gonna fall for each other and have a HEA at the end is just so satisfying.


The Beauty of Tropes (Yes, I Said It)

People love to complain about romance tropes being repetitive and predictable. They roll their eyes at the meet-cute scenarios, the enemies-to-lovers dynamics, the grumpy-sunshine pairings, the unrealistic mafia kidnappings. They act like reading the same tropes over and over again is somehow intellectually beneath us, like we're just consuming mindless content on repeat.


But I say it's the opposite! There's comfort in the tropes, and that's why so many people will still read the same ones constantly and never get tired of them. So many people say, "Oh, it's the same thing over and over again," but that's part of the fun and entertainment for me, and why I enjoy them. I want to see what will make this book stand out from the rest, how is the author going to keep me hooked and invested in the main characters, which of the cliche twists or storylines are they going with, and are they going to surprise me with a twist that's not what I expected?


Another thing people get wrong about romance readers, they assume we're all reading to insert ourselves into the story, to live vicariously through the heroine and imagine ourselves as the object of the hero's obsession. But that's not how I read at all. It's not about stepping into the shoes of the characters and experiencing their emotions as if they were my own. I don't see myself in the books I read; I'm just an observer looking in or a close friend cheering the main characters on and rooting for them.


Not Saying Every Romance Novel is a Masterpiece

Let's be real here, yes, some romance books are mindless trash reads with no substance. Some books are poorly written, with no character depth and ridiculous plots that make no sense p.s. I still enjoy them. But you know what? That exists in every genre. There are terrible thrillers, awful literary fiction, and mind-numbing sci-fi too. The difference is that with romance, the entire genre gets dismissed as having no substance.


But there are so many romance novels with incredible depth, complex characters, and beautiful writing that explore themes of identity, mental health, trauma, family, culture, and so much more. There are books that tackle serious social issues, that represent diverse experiences, that make you think and feel, and grow as a person. The genre has room for both the light, escapist reads and the deep, meaningful stories. And honestly? Sometimes you need the mindless entertainment just as much as you need the profound literature.


So before you dismiss romance as "all the same" or "just trash," maybe consider that you're painting an entire genre with one brush. And maybe ask yourself why you're so quick to judge what brings other people joy.


Books and kisses,

M

Stay tuned for Part 2, where we dive into the science behind romance reading, why dark romance isn't the devil, and all the research that proves romance readers are pretty amazing.


Citations:

  1. Kajol quote from a viral interview

  2. Twardowski, Kristen. "Understanding Others: The Benefits of Romance Novels." A Writer's Workshop (blog), February 13, 2017. https://kristentwardowski.wordpress.com/2017/02/13/the-benefits-of-romance-novels/

  3. "The Benefits of Reading Romance Novels." Allure, https://www.allure.com/story/benefits-of-reading-romance-novels

  4. "The Evolution of Romance Novels: From Damsels to Dynamic Female Characters." Crew Fiction, October 12, 2023. https://crewfiction.com/blog/the-evolution-of-the-romance-novel

  5. Harber, Cristin. "Evolution of the Romance Novel." Cristin Harber (blog), April 6, 2018. https://cristinharber.com/archive/evolution-romance-novel/

  6. "A Brief History of the Romance Novel." The New York Public Library, February 15, 2019. https://www.nypl.org/blog/2019/02/15/brief-history-romance-novel-recommendations

  7. "Evolution of Romance Novels: A Journey Through Time." BookBoost, March 9, 2024. https://freeboostmarketing.com/evolution-of-romance-novels-a-journey-through-time/

  8. Harber, Cristin. "Evolution of the Romance Novel." Cristin Harber (blog), April 6, 2018. https://cristinharber.com/archive/evolution-romance-novel/



 
 
 

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